next »

[stolide]

Let me start by saying that I have seen multiple psychologists, and a single psychiatrist. Given my life story, which I do not want to tell, and my present situation and happenings, the most reasonable conclusion that I have drawn in awhile is that I have schizoaffective disorder, or something similar. So that you need not bother looking that up, it amounts to mood swings in conjunction with psychosis, and all that typical schiophrenic-like nonsense.

As such, it seems reasonable to avoid these kinds of practices. I don't really think that they are real any more honestly, at least in the sense that most people in the OEC seem to think. I have deleted my articles off of my website, for I feel that my mental status lends no credence to what I have to say on this subject. The fact that I became a respected member in these communities for awhile is pretty amusing I think. It seems that many "important" magicians have fit into similar categories as I do. Copious drug use and mental instability; just look at Crowley. There seems to be a connection between that kind of person, and being perceived by others as skilled magicians. The point I am trying to make from this, is that if magick is primarily "progressed" by these kinds of people, what does that say about magick? I honestly believe that practicing these subjects intensely both is easier with an unstable mind, and encourages mental instability. Obviously most traditions encourage mental control, but I believe it is for precisely this reason.

Think about ritual. It primarily consists of changing how one thinks, bringing about an altered state of mind, and then focusing on something to the point that obsession can actually occur.

In my mind, the "successful magician" is nearly indistinguishable from a person with a powerful mood disorder that he is able to influence, or even control. I wouldn't even want to be such a person anymore.

Given all this, I have been motivated to cut myself off from the occult. I really do not need this now.

I am sorry for any inconvenience cause by this, and for anything that I said that I would do, and am now not going to.

I guess this is goodbye.

[The Adfeng]

"A good-bye is never painful unless you’re never going to say hello again."

I am sorry to see you go, Stolide.  I knew this was inevitable.  Just remember you always have me to talk to, for what it's worth.  If you need anything, feel free to e-mail me or PM me.

[13bronze]

Oh, man. I haven't been on these forums for long, but you wrote some good articles. Sorry to see you go.

[Fujin]

I wish you the best Stolide and hope you success in you future endeavors. I also suffer from schizoaffective disorder and my mood swings change rapidly if I'm not on meds but I'm taking meds to stabilize myself. I wish you the best and I always looked up to you when I read your stuff. C ya later and comeback to visit sometime. Peace.