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[Natus]

4/19/2011: Still searching for a dream journal. Need to practice better sleeping routines.

I began meditation after frustration. I focused on the ringing sound in my ears and tried to increase the pitch. Out of every concentration technique I've tried this seems to work the best. I become completely focused in increasing the pitch. After some time focusing I found this pitch would continuously increase with minimal effort. I came to a point where I was content with a certain pitch, then I began visualizing a beam of light bursting from my pineal gland. Doing this put me in a trance, and as I continued dwelling in this state I decided to tackle the source of my frustration: Astral Projection.

Visualizing myself breaking free from my body, and to no avail, I decided to start small. I began to expect my fingers to rise from my astral body. Then my arms, next my toes(etc). I began to feel hollow, slowly trying to raise myself out of my physical body. I continued this for some time before I grew tired, ultimately discontinuing my session for the day.



4/20/2011: Still searching for a sleep journal. Because of the merriment I will hold off my meditation for the day.

Did a short exercise on increasing telepathic prowess, and I'm confident it succeeded. During group therapy I realized my empathic abilities. Found a suitable dream journal even though I was searching for a composition notebook. I'm happy either way. Breathing exercises during relaxation in an attempt to lucid dream.



4/21/2011: Need to meditate and make up for lost time.
Lucid Dream unsuccessful
Dream recorded: "I had multiple dreams. In one dream I was a sailor or something. Another dream, I was a samurai and killed 4 ninjas and fought a female samurai that had a rapier. A brunette. At first I tried to sneak attack her, but she saw me before she got close enough. Then we fought. She toyed with me at first, doing nothing but thrusting movements. Eventually I stabbed [her] on marble floor, then pretended like I needed help after I saw people run to the door wondering what the h*ll happened. They came, and I continued to freak out. At this point, I was no longer a samurai"
Attempted telepathic suggestion twice; both results inconclusive. Not in the mood to meditate, but I must in order to get a hold on my empathic abilities. The wall I put up to block out certain emotions reciprocated a negative effect on those emotions within me. I, with help I believe, broke that wall down on the 19th.

Just realize attempting to permanently block any emotion, even fear or anger, from yourself and/or others does not positively modify you.

[Natus]

4/22/11: Earth Day and my sisters birthday! Out of all our brothers and sisters, her and I have the strongest esp, and even then hers is more sensitive than mine.

Yup. Practiced some tps. Inconclusive, just really lazy today. Had about 10 dreams. All I'm aware of atm.



4/23/11: Meditation. Need to find person to practice Telekinesis with.
Lucid Dream unsuccessful
Dream recorded: "I can't remember how it started. All I remember is me going downstairs and my cousin Nyzinga was playing a game. After a couple minutes she allowed me to enter her room. [In the game-] I was a dog fighting Zombies. It was a fallout type game, and there were dozens( about 20 I think, though) of aliens running around trying to find me. I was wearing Chinese Stealth Armor and had a '[Caution]' above my head. I was sneaking to get a fetus I think it was. Then I remember running on a mountain-like path and I couldn't control the dog running. Then I ended up human again inside a mansion. In a backroom there was a supermarket sized room with fruits and icies everywhere. I was talking to a boy about 10 or 11 years of age. Can't remember what was said, only me enjoying myself eating a 2ft icy. I think it was blueberry. I went back in the living room where a real estate agent was trying to convince my [in-dream-mom] to buy the mansion. This [is] when I went up to her and whispered in her ear," I'm going to kill the zombies. They're in the back room." While I was leaving I yelled something like "Ask for a discount!" I guess since there were zombies in the back room, we could have probably gotten the Mansion inexpensively. I then went in the back room and it was similar to how I got to Mr.House in Fallout: New Vegas. Men with armored suits and steroid bodies were already in there shooting bullets that had multiple spikes on the end , at the zombies. These were like artillery shells they were getting shot with. I remember those guys talking about shooting them in the head or something. Then I woke up "

   Wicked dream, but I plan on practicing my TK and meditating. By no later than Wednesday I plan to project and go to Venus. I'll add more when my day turns to night.

Continued: Meditated into the night. I didn't keep track on how long I meditated, but it must have been a little under 45 minutes. During meditation I felt the most hollow this time than any other time I've ever meditated. Did a short tk practice.

[Fujin]

Astral Projection is achieved just as you get the feeling of weightlessness, there is no need for the hallucinating dream. Have fun astralling. To me it just feels like I'm hovering.

[Natus]

4/24/11: Dreams becoming more discernible. Must focus on Lucid Dreaming and Astral Projection.
Lucid Dream unsuccessful
Dream Recorded: "In what I think was my first dream, I was something trying to escape an octopus. I had already killed one or two, and I was swimming on a dolphin-alligator type animal. Then one of them died, so I kept hopping from wall to wall hoping the octopus couldn’t grab me and take me under. It kept goading me and I kept fleeing from it. The next dream I knew Mrs. Berdecio and Mr. Tryon and I was on a red velvet bed and she was talking on the phone with her grandpa. He was talking about getting a horse for her, and she was so excited. I was like, “There’s a stable on this base, too!” To which she responded with, “I know! !” Then she put me on the phone with her grandpa, and he spoke Spanish. Talking about the horse’s fur “shone beautifully in the moonlight” and then she put him on speaker.
      Then the next dream I was in some penitentiary (only because my omniscience I know) but was on a track field with Coach Daly drilling some of us. It was me, Blake, Don Cobb, and two others I can’t remember. I ran around the track so quick, but I couldn’t control myself. Then in order to prove I was the best I suggested we all race. Then we line up, and I had the lane to the farthest left. I was running so fast, but when I got to the turn I slid soooo far. I ended up in second place, and when we ran to the finish line, there were three or four almost burned hole in the ground. And first plane had to land in the first hole, second in second hole (etc.). I got 2nd hole but Blake tried to push me out of it. Then it came to an argument and I was like “Well if you wanna go again, let’s do it!” He declined. Then Coach Daly showed us an obstacle course we had to go through. He was making it easier for us but breaking off some of the pipe- thingies. Then we did the obstacle course, it came to the monkey bars. Easy. Then I had to go climb on the pipe and go to the other side. There were babies on the other side that somehow stopped me from going there. And when I got close enough, I couldn’t put my legs up. It was so hard, I had to use both my legs in unison, and even that was hard. I eventually got there, and then the dream was over.
      Next, I was a manly woman who had a car. Then I went in the ‘hood’ which actually happened to be the suburbs. And they had people wearing gang colors with AK-47’s shooting random things I suppose. Then I ended up in the woods by a beach and I had something in the trunk of my car but I had to hide it or something so I put a bed in my trunk, and yes it was sticking out. I was talking to someone about it, and kept fake laughing hoping they would leave soon. The next dream there was this fat guy looking to find a proper bed. He had some psychological ailment. Well he wanted to find a nice bed so what he ended up doing is buying one from me. This guy was probably as wide as a full size bed, yet he bought a twin. And it had weird things on it. With two lamps beside it that gave off blue light. He tried to go to sleep but asked me something concerning the lights so I kept turning the lamp on and off. Then I turned other lamps around the house on. The bed was the only piece of furniture that I could see.
      Then it went to a dream about some circus type stuff.  All I really remember was me beating up someone in those circus arenas. Then I turned into a tomboy, but I had to put on a wig to talk to someone that was locked in a cell in the circus. So I put on a long blonde wig underneath a short frilly hot pink one.
"

Astral Projection is achieved just as you get the feeling of weightlessness, there is no need for the hallucinating dream.

Hallucinating dream? I'm not following.

Today, I must have meditated for about an hour total during 1 session. I sealed my Aura, and practiced on my third eye. I didn't see shapes or solid colors, however I did see a faint rainbow colored stripe go from (when my eyes were closed) from the bottom to the top. After a while I realized I could control in what direction this stripe went. It was probably something insignificant, however this is the first time I directly saw colors, even if the colors were not vibrant. I've grounded in a different way than I've always seen people say it's supposed to be done. I felt all negativity leave me during this grounding, and I can say it felt pretty amazing. I've been in good spirits the entire day. I've been handling a barrage of sudden curiosity, and have read various texts. I can say tantric sex sounds interesting, but not because of the sex part. It's the energy that's wasted that has caught my interest. I can tell my one problem is not knowing how to prioritize information I receive.

Hoping to Lucid Dream tonight, and I'll try my best not to resist the feeling and accept it.

[Natus]

Sorry about my absence, I have nothing I wish to post right now. I realize I'm such a procrastinator that I put more work in procrastinating, than what would be necessary to actually get what I need done...Done. Hahah, bad quality but I try.

As of right now, I'm looking for a partner or a student. I'm learning Psionics isn't so text-book as it is just experiencing. So, if anyone is interested just mail me and we could set something up. The reason why I want to do this is because I want a connection with someone to try some stuff I wouldn't be able to by myself, like telepathically communicating. Since no one wants to be a teacher, I'd rather have a partner, and we can learn from each other. :]

I've decided I'll primarily update on weekends, holidays, and when I feel like it (which doesn't apply to the former two).

[Natus]

4/29/11 : First session of joint practice.

So, SosaTr and I began our session trying to ping each other. We got the very first attempt correct, and then a later attempt I second guessed on, so I won't completely count that. More difficult than I expected. Not as dedicated to write every dream everyday anymore. I have no excuses for it.



5/1/11 : Second session of joint practice.

Instead of pinging one another, we practiced transferring energy instead. I built up energy and sent it to him, then he would either take the energy I sent or his own, and transfer it to me. We repeated this process for 30 minutes. I figured we must have a basic understanding of transferring material first, since our Pinging session was not very productive. Also, the more we sent energy, the more sensitive we became to it. It also served as a confidence booster to have 100% accurate results.

Makes me wonder how strange energy is. We are thousands of miles apart, yet the energy was on command. It does not travel? Does it appear when convenient? It's interesting. The very last time I sent, I sent a sum of energy very quickly. Afterwards, fatigue set in to the point where I had to take a nap. I always knew energy affected us on a physical level, but I guess it never registered that I could fatigue so quick from that.

I was planning on sending emotion charged energy in an attempt to experiment with empathy, but haha I was halfway asleep then.

[Natus]

Unofficial

I just realized ever since me and Tren did that energy practice I've become way more sensitive...I actually felt my psiball for the first time. And I'm not talking about just the magnetism. I felt it's presence leave. Felt isn't the accurate term here, anyway. Neither is sensed.

[Natus]

Dang, man. Well I was grounded, right...So that explains that one week. The next week I was busy soaking up knowledge.

I've been dieing to group practice but haven't had the proper opportunity. I've got a plant, though. I haven't thought of a name for it (*it* because it's a hermaphrodite). Plants are living beings, so I treat them with respect most think I'm strange for. Idk, but I have put two crystals in the soil as suggested. I can honestly say it's more vibrant than when I first bought it. Also, it appears to have grown rapidly. Lol, this should be a log, rather than a diary of my personal life. My bad..

So I need the necessary equipment to perform a banishment. Sigils are fun, but I need to chill out on the servitors. Although psi-balls and servitores/egregores/god-forms seem the same, I'll still call it their respective names. I also absorbed some intelligent energy forms I've created by accident during some point in my life. It was a two day battle, and the funny thing is I know where and how I formed it after I absorbed it. Ah well, still looking forward to group practice soon. I also realize I come off as a ****head sometimes(on forums) but that's only because I got tired of being timid.

[Natus]

May the Twenty-first, two thousand and eleven.

Yesterday, I came home from school at around 4:30. I fell asleep at around 7pm, I want to say. I woke up at 3am, today, and felt the urge to go outside, so I did. I kept chilling looking around, just relaxing. The Moon wasn't full, but it was bright and it was cloudy, so I couldn't see many stars. After 20-30 minutes I felt completely calm, which was strange for me because I had the feeling that something horrible was about to happen, then I'm completely calm. At peace with everything with no real idea why, and I still chill. After about 10 more minutes I go back inside because of intuition, and then go back up again. The moon was brighter, and a cloud was soon to pass over it. I went back inside and came on SP, then went to sleep at about 5am.

Wondering why I'm posting this? Because it's something to look into, seeing as I'm still calm with no idea why. I don't think the worst things are what's in the future, but what's in the past. Since time progresses, the future will soon become present, eventually a past event. And if you were never interested, you wouldn't have read this far.

[Natus]

I'm not far behind where my predecessor last left me. With a few months, I can be even better. I've made up my mind.

I'll start it.

[Natus]

I had a strange revelation. I realized I'm a telepath, yet wondered why I cannot perform a successful telepathic practice.

Then it came to me.

Telepathy is described as using either one, or a combination of, two senses almost every time: sight and hearing. I've been able to pick up on a person's thought, but I always dismissed it as me reading body language, or me just "happening to know". A horrible form of denial, even for someone such as I, an open minded conscientious person.

I do it quickly, and firmly. There is never a hint of doubt within me, even in their denial of me (for example) sensing distrust in them and addressing it only to have them deny it. I could tell if someone was thinking about me almost as fast as someone would think their own thought. Time doesn't exist within this sense, and if it does it's extremely minute. It explains why I thought my "empathy" flagged last year, when I tried to be an empath. When I tried, I couldn't do it. Not because of a block, but because the way it's described to work didn't, in fact, work for me. When I'm not trying, I'm at my best. I am not saying I'm some prodigy and I can create a giant ball of energy the size of a house without trying.

I'm just saying just because we're more accustomed to sight and hearing doesn't mean we have to use those descriptions to help us. It's easier, because we can't explain our 6th sense. I can't say just "feel" that you're doing (insert term), because more than likely it's not understandable to try and feel something that it partial to an individual. Which is why I'm saying you should also incorporate everything else: taste, smell, touch, ether. Use it all when you're practicing, or individually if it works better for you.

Compare it to trying to paint with only red, blue and green as your colors. Of course it's possible, and with practice you can successfully perform different combinations of the three colors to get a good painting, but it'll take longer. Now try painting with red, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Much easier than just the former three. If you read this far, take it to strong consideration. Everything is not impartial, most advanced practitioners are not one sites because they found a way that works for them. You shouldn't end your practice, or even stall it online/books/televised/etc. That's where it should start. The rest is with you.

[Natus]

Today, I realized how much the astral body is able to affect our physical ones. Though I'm not yet astral projecting, I can move a limb or two.

Three days ago I moved my left leg out of the physical boundaries, and forgot to put it back. The next day, towards sunset, my left leg had a funny feeling. Almost as if I had nerve damage, so I thought I was under attack. I couldn't find any foreign danger, but I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what. Yesterday my toes began to have a cold sensation. And they were near-numb. Frightened, I spent about 10 focusing to allow myself to put my astral body back in my physical leg. Today, my toes are a bit cold, but a drastic improvement.

It made me think about strokes, and how they might be connected to the astral body. I never thought about it before, but it would be regressed to think our life only affects the physical.

Looking forward to s'more practice later on.

Edit: I forgot to mention, after looking online for symptoms, I already had to idea that it was something more than physical. My mind immediately wandered to the point where I attempted AP, but then just got up and left my practice unfinished. Also makes me wonder if it was just my leg sticking out, because I thought that I didn't have to provide effort to alleviate any pain that was a part of my astral body. I thought that part of me would just sink back in, unhindered.

[Natus]

Successful tps. I'd allow anyone to strike me once for this, but I bubbled someone's infatuation towards me. It was in an instant, and now I regret doing it, but happy the result was good. :/

SN: Chocolate covered candies aren't candies at all. Especially when it's shaped like a pill. Other times it's just filled with alcohol, but hey! It's Germany.

[Natus]

I keep seeing flashes in my room. I'm not sure if I've inherited my mothers genetics, or if it's genuine.

[Mech]

What genetics? If you don't mind me asking

[Natus]

Schizophrenia.

[Skeptic Psion]

I always figured if I somehow acquired schizophrenia, I'd subdue the other personality, and have it take over for school and school-related activities.

[SoSaTr]

I always figured if I somehow acquired schizophrenia, I'd subdue the other personality, and have it take over for school and school-related activities.

That's MPD/DID.
Schizophrenia is hearing voices, while MPD/DID is multiple personalities.
And a real MPD/DID person wouldn't even know the other personality existed without someone telling them.

[Skeptic Psion]

I always figured if I somehow acquired schizophrenia, I'd subdue the other personality, and have it take over for school and school-related activities.

That's MPD/DID.
Schizophrenia is hearing voices, while MPD/DID is multiple personalities.
And a real MPD/DID person wouldn't even know the other personality existed without someone telling them.

Ah. Now I feel like an idiot. Then again I do a lot, so no new change.

Carry on.

[Natus]

My Mom has paranoia, multiple personalities, and delusional or something. She was 'diagnosed' with Schizophrenia. It's not like she'll ever read this, and that's my excuse for putting her info on the webz.

On a side note, I was separated from my plant for almost a day and it started dieing :[
I've been reading up on some things and have changed my practice. Wont post anything until I see results.

I always figured if I somehow acquired schizophrenia, I'd subdue the other personality, and have it take over for school and school-related activities.

Trust. It's no where near any kind of worth to somehow acquire schizophrenia. Besides, it's genetic. It's not something you can get through any means other than genetic. However, it's nice to speculate.